27 Apr A Letter to My Beloved iPhone
We met a few years back. I had been seeing a cute little flip phone with limited texting capabilities, fuzzy pictures and a tight little body. My friends kept saying I should see other phones but I was hesitant; my phone and I had been through a lot together.
Never mind that my flip phone didn’t seem to work much beyond my backyard let alone overseas. Forget that my flip phone required my strongest glasses to tell what was going on. We were comfortable together, and yet, my friends said…
One day I left my flip phone at home under the excuse that I had “forgotten” it. I stroled quietly and guiltily into the closest phone store. I was just going to look; that’s all, just a look.
You caught my eye with your curves, colorful icons, your bigger screen. I fell immediately in love with your calendar, camera and texting apps. I could tell what the weather would be, the best route to my next appointment, and could even stream the latest game scores.
I crept silently in the front door at home and there it was laying quietly on the counter. No weather radar, no “find-a-phone” and no App Store. My relationship with my flip phone was hopelessly and forever ruined thanks to you.
I patted it gently being careful not to tell it where we were going. But I think it knew as we pulled up in front of the phone store. I said we could still be friends yet it seemed to catch that glint of sorrow in my eyes as if it knew that this was the last ride we’d take together.
The salesperson introduced me to you, my iPhone “friend”, sold me a couple more additional accessories and then asked if I had another phone I’d like to turn in.
For a few seconds I looked sympathetically at my old flip phone, caressing the scratched and scuffed body of its design, remembering the hours and hours of trying to page through text messages, reconnecting to lost calls and slowly I raised my hand and…threw that sucker to the salesperson.
I ran cackling hysterically to the front door of the store with my new iPhone raised over my head shouting, “Siri, what’s the best recipe for General Tso’s Chicken?”